


It's Torture

by caitdarling



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitdarling/pseuds/caitdarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma is tired of being avoided, and Killian can't seem to explain himself. (Little does she know it's because he's cursed and Zelena threatened her whole family...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Captain Swan fic, post "Bleeding Through" (3x18), and pre/during "A Curious Thing" (3x19.)

It was 8:15 on Sunday morning, and Emma Swan was  _not_ expecting visitors. And yet, there was a gentle knocking on the door. “Hook?”

“Good morning, Swan.”

“How nice of you to grace me with your presence,” she quipped, still bitter over his recent absence and strange behavior.

“Technically, I’m here for the boy,” Killian answered with a straight face.

_“Henry?”_  It took her a second to remember, but once she did, she buried her hands in her face, embarrassed. “Right, because it’s Sunday…” She cleared her throat and scratched at the back of her neck-  _well, this is awkward,_ she thought. “I sort of already dropped him off… with Grumpy.” Killian's face fell. “It’s just- you haven’t been around much. I barely get five minutes alone with you lately, and, well, I guess I forgot. I’m sorry?”

“No need, love,” he said as backed up into the hallway. “Perhaps tomorrow then.”

“It’s David’s turn tomorrow,” she frowned.

 “Well then,” a dejected Hook sighed. “If you ever need me to take care of the boy, you know where to find me.”

“Do I?” she called after him. Killian visibly tensed up. Frozen, with his back still turned to her, he knew he would not be getting out of this one. “Because it sure seems like you’re getting harder to find. Like maybe you don’t  _want_ to be found- not by me anyway.” Hook finally faced her, but could not meet her gaze. “I’m right, aren’t I?” 

“If that were the case, love, why would I show up at your door at this ungodly hour?”

“For Henry,” she answered without a moment’s hesitation. “Tell me I’m wrong. Look me in the eye, Killian, and tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong,” he choked out, still failing to meet her eyes.

Emma shook her head with- with so many things. Disappointment. Disbelief. Anger, confusion, hurt, heartbreak… She wanted to believe his words more than anything. She wanted to believe he wasn’t pushing her away, but her superpower was telling her otherwise.

She tried to close the door in his face, but Killian was quick with his hook. He caught the door just as it was about to click shut, and he wedged himself inside. “Give me a chance to explain, Swan,” he begged. “Please.”

Emma exhaled, but said nothing. She merely gestured for him to go on.

"Every moment I spend at your side is… pure torture.”

"Is that so?" Her head cocked to the side and her eyes narrowed.  _Red flag._ She folded her arms across her chest.  _Another red flag._

"Poor choice of words,” he mumbled quickly. “I… apologize, love, that - that came out wrong. What I mean is-"

Emma sighed impatiently.  _Yet another red flag._ This wasn’t going so well.

Killian hesitated, as three hundred years worth of profound vocabulary raced through his mind, striving to construct the perfect explanation- or at least a coherent one that would not completely upset Lady Swan.

But he couldn’t tell Emma about the curse, as he was certain Zelena was already angry for refusing to comply by kissing his beloved. She’d kill Henry without blinking an eye if he said too much.

But he also could not bear telling Emma a lie, especially not one that affected, her, her magic, and most importantly, her family. Killian felt the first trickle of perspiration slide down the side of his face. Unable to look Ms. Swan in the eye and at a complete loss for words, his whole body went limp. His hook looped around the doorknob for some form of support. He searched Emma’s face desperately, as if the answer were in hidden in her wrinkled up eyebrows or her pursed lips.

"Spit it out, Hook," she struggled to say nonchalantly, though this conversation was eating away at her insides. "Either tell me what is _really_ going on with you… or leave me and my family the hell alone.”

Frustration got the best of him. “I can’t!” he shouted, taking the doorknob with him as he threw his arms out desperately. He looked between the fallen doorknob and Emma’s intense gaze. Sheepishly, he chose to focus on the doorknob. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and tried to gain back a shred of composure. “…I can’t.”

"You can’t tell me the truth, or you can’t leave?"

"Both."

Immediately after the word had been spoken, Emma shook her head in resign. “Then I’ll make it easy for you.  _I’ll_ leave. I was planning on leaving for New York as soon as I defeated Zelena anyway-“

Killian glanced up in a confused panic, “I thought I convinced you to change your mind about that.”

Emma held his gaze, responding flatly, “Any reason I had to remain in Storybrooke disappeared about five minutes ago.”

Killian wasn’t sure whether to be hopeful or distraught; Emma had practically just admitted her feelings for him, and yet, she was ready to throw it all away because of his inexplicable behavior (not that he could blame her).

"You can’t leave,” he pleaded. “Please, Swan, you can’t just go."  _I love you,_ he yearned to say.

Emma almost fell for it; the puppy-dog eyes, the desperation in his voice, the sweat on his forehead, his neck, his chest… “I thought it was 'pure torture' to be around me,” she glowered. “What is  _with_ you?” Killian opened his mouth to speak, but it was Emma who spoke again. “You know what? I don’t care. This is  _my_ life, and  _I_ am deciding to leave this place behind.”

“ _No_ ,” he practically whimpered.

“I’m going after Zelena tonight. After that, I’m grabbing my suitcase and taking Henry home.”

"Tonight? I’m sorry, love, but don’t you think it a bit unwise? You hardly know what you’re going up against."

"I’m the savior,” she reminded him in a most self-assured manner. “I’ve learned so many things from Regina in these last few days. It’s more than just moving coffee cups and hooks with my mind. I’ve got what takes. Something you’d know if you’d been around to notice… Regina said the only thing I’d been lacking was focus, and I guess I’ve got that now. Thank you so much for your help." With that, Emma strolled out of her own apartment and let the door slam shut behind her. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian tries to apologize to Emma. Elsewhere, an angry CS shipper (Zelena) is plotting her next move, most likely against Henry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this the night before 3x19 "A Curious Thing." Don't hate me for how it ends, aheheh.

Even a moment’s hesitation was too much for Killian. He hurried after her and grabbed her arm from behind. She turned to face him, her previously spiteful eyes now blurred behind a sheer layer of tears. She fought them off, refusing to give in to… whatever it was that she was feeling. Refusing to let the tears fall. She was quick to fold her arms again, her walls up higher than he’d ever seen before- and it ruined him to think he was to blame.

Killian's face immediately softened, and his heart weighed heavy in his chest. He’d made a silent vow to himself way back on the beanstalk- a vow that meant never hurting Emma in the way she’d been hurt so many times before. He'd promised himself in Neverland that he would not leave her side- not voluntarily. Not ever. He would be there for her, and for Henry as well. And even after the failed attempt at a true loves kiss, he had promised himself that he would never do anything to earn the look of disappointment she was giving him now.

Killian took a step closer to Emma, and he was thankful to see she wasn’t going to try to run away. He reached out with his hook and tucked a strand of her hair back behind her ear.

"Don’t," she said softly, quick to push him away. 

With his good hand, Killian reached out again, this time to caress the side of her face. “I’m sorry, Emma. I truly am sorry. I haven’t been honest with you, and you have every right to hate me. Fuck, I even hate myself… But I never meant to hurt you, Swan, you must believe me when I say that.”

 _There it is,_  one piece of truth which was undeniably approved by her superpower. “Alright, that’s a start.” Maybe she was being weak and foolish, or maybe she was just being hopeful, but she took the conversation back into the apartment, leading Killian by his hook.

“Go on,” she said the moment they were back inside, safely behind closed doors.

Her breath warmed his skin, making him that much more aware of their closing proximity. He wet his lips and bit down on his lower lip, as it was all he could do to keep himself from giving in to the nagging urge to kiss the woman he loved so unequivocally. “It _is_  torture to be with you, but that's because- well- because I can’t  _be_ with you. Not in the way I want, Swan, not even close _._ Every inch of me wants every inch of you. You consume my every thought, my every dream. And I want nothing more than to be the lucky bastard who gets to make you happy for the rest of your days… who gets to see your smile at the start of every morning… who gets to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

The tears that had been welled up in Emma’s eyes were now slipping down the sides of her cheeks. Killian used his thumb to wipe some of them away, bringing the smallest of smiles to her face.

“Bloody hell, Swan, it’s taking every ounce of my willpower to not kiss you right now and just have my way with you.”

"Oh yeah?” Emma’s lips curled up coyly. It was the same expression that she wore back in Neverland, right before she grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and took him by (a very pleasant) surprise. “What's stopping you?" she asked in a low voice. She dug her hands in her back pockets and took a step closer, challenging him to make the next move. 

Killian froze. A pathetic  _"What?"_  was all he was able to mutter. Of all the times for her to be ready, of all the times for her to realize her feelings for him, of all the times for her to want _him_ to kiss _her_ -she picks now??

“Hook,” Emma started as she adjusted the collar of his coat. Pushing people away was her thing, but somewhere between Killian’s absence and that heart wrenching confession of his believed unrequited love for her, Emma realized he was one person she wanted to keep around. She was so relieved she gave him a chance to explain. _“_ _Killian._ _”_

Killian’s heart beat rapidly in his chest, and his eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets.  _This is it,_ the moment he’d always been waiting for- but it came at the worst possible timing.

Emma leaned in slowly. Her nose brushed against his. Her breath was on his lips. He could feel her tug on his collar, expecting him to close the gap between them.

"Zelena cursed me," he spat out in the nick of time.

"Then it’s a good thing I’m going to kill the bitch," she smirked, reaching up once more to kiss Killian.

"Swan, _don't!"_

Emma paused and looked at him in confusion.

Killian hung his head and sighed, "She cursed my _lips,_ Emma. It's not that I don't want to-"

Emma backed away from Killian tentatively. “What are you talking about?”

"She cursed my lips so we can not share a kiss without it removing your powers," he explained. "And, now that I’ve told you, she’s going to go after someone you love."

"Henry," she breathed as she collapsed into the couch behind her.  _And the mood is officially killed._

"Aye.” Hook sat beside her, taking her hand in his, hoping to bring her a bit of comfort. (It was working.) “But she won’t stop at him. Nobody is safe until we kiss."

"No- no, I-" It was Emma’s turn to be at a loss for words. " _This_ \- this was what you weren’t telling me?  _This_  is why you’ve been acting so weird?”

"Yes,” Killian sighed. “Yes, and I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have kept this from you. Zelena backed me into a corner, I thought she'd left me no choice... but like you said before, it _is_ your life, and you deserved to know."

"This is sick.”

“I know.”

"What do we do?"

 _We?_ Was she not furious with him? Was she not pushing him away?

"I’m afraid I don’t know  _what_  to do, Swan," he answered. "But I  _do_ know we’re not safe here. You go warn your parents, I’ll go find the lad and keep him out of the clutches of that witch.”

Killian stood to help Emma up, pulling her a little too close to himself. Mouths slightly ajar, the two stared at each other helplessly. 

“Uhm, Killian?” she asked hesitantly. “I’m not cursed, am I?”

“No, love. Just me.”

“Good.” Emma reached up on her tip-toes and softly pressed her lips to his cheek, lingering there momentarily. “Be careful,” she whispered.

“And you," he said as he wrapped his arms low around her waist. "I want you in one piece after we take out Zelena.”

“Yeah, well, same goes for you. I don’t to repeat the whole flying monkey incident,” she quipped.

“Now  _that_ would be a tragedy,” he laughed. "What a waste of a devilishly handsome face!" 

——

Killian hustled down the streets of Storybrooke, searching for Henry and Grumpy to no avail. The snow certainly wasn’t helping his speed at all, but he already tried Granny’s, they weren’t with the other dwarves, and nobody’d seen them for the last hour. Nobody except for- “Smee! Have you seen Henry? The lad, Emma’s boy, have you seen him?”

Smee adjusted his red beanie and replied, “Uh, _yes_ , Sir. He’s at the docks with Grumpy.”

Killian walked and talked at the same time, slapping Smee on the back and taking him along with him. “At the  _docks?_ In this weather? What are they, ice fishing?“

“Last I saw, they were hanging around a campfire," he shrugged. "Why?”

“Smee," Hook scolded, "I thought I told you not to question me.” 

“Right. Sorry, Captain, I just don’t understand why I’m being dragged into this...”

“Oh, because I  _so_ treasure your company,” Killian quipped, mostly to shut him up. Killian hadn’t actually meant for Smee to go along with him, there just wasn't time to finish the conversation standing idly by on the street corner.

——

Henry went running up to Killian the moment he saw him, quietly asking him to whisk him away to have  _real_ fun. Apparently, roasting marshmallows with Grumpy  _wasn’t_ Henry’s idea of a good time- how surprising. “I’ll take care of him from here on out,” Killian informed the dwarf. “Direct orders from the Swan herself.”

Grumpy didn’t put up much of a fight, and Killian was soon on his merry way with Henry (and Smee). He led the way to Regina’s- the place he and Emma had agreed to meet up at, once Snow, Charming, and Henry were all rounded up- and tried to keep conversation light as they went. Smee went on and on about sea faring, which enabled Killian to think about other things- like where they would go from Regina’s. Would Emma still be hell-bent on an immediate attack on Zelena? Would Regina know of a safe place to hide until the two of them could improve their magic? What would they do about Henry’s memories- how could any of this be explained to a boy who doesn’t know the first thing about magic?

Killian quickly realized that none of that would be important if the boy didn’t make it to Regina’s safely- which he might _not_ , judging by the size of that flying monkey.

“What’s that?” Henry asked.

Without a second thought, Killian threw himself in front of the monkey, sword in hand, ready for a fight. Unfortunately, the beast was not after him. It picked him right up and threw him harshly across the snowy field. Before he had a chance to get up, the monkey had already swooped up Henry, who was desperately screaming for help.

“Henry!” Killian bellowed as he ran after him.

But it was no use. His speed was no match for the flying monkey... Henry was gone.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Killian turned around to find Smee, passed out in the snow. He ran over to check on his friend, but he never made it all the way over. Instead, he’d been clonked out, tied up, and shoved in a trunk.  _Splendid._


End file.
